Wednesday, February 13, 2019

Fat Girl Love

If you follow along The B Word or know me personally, you know my dream, NO goal, is to star in film and television roles as a fat woman, where the story has nothing to do with my body and my size. This of course is part of my bigger plans to executive produce and create, film and television starring marginalized people, telling stories about marginalized people, created by marginalized people.  

As a long time film fan and long time fat girl, I have always longed for fat girl leads I could identify with. I grew up longing to look like the women I saw on screen, not seeing myself represented. I grew up watching all kinds of movies but there is something about growing up a young girl in the early 2000's that leads you to, now iconic, romantic comedies. The Nicholas Sparks era was strong during my preteen years and I was into it! Somewhere between, "A Walk to Remember" and "Never Been Kissed", I started to buy into the thin girl is the love interest and the fat girl is the funny friend. It wasn't until I was much older, that I could start to digger deeper emotionally, to see how much that shaped the way I saw myself and my place in the world. 

Fast forward many years and an amazing man later, I wanted to recreate iconic romance movie moments but with, me as the fat lead. I imagined what that little girl at the sleepover would think, seeing someone similar to her on screen being loved, being desired and being the lead of the story. Being with my man, Matthew, and being loved so deeply by a man who I love so deeply, has been revolutionary in a way. This will be our second Valentines Day together and above all the support I feel being with him, crazy stupid fun we have and the way he really loves me, has changed the way I view love and for that I am so grateful. 

I share this with you to not only celebrate our love *corny* but to say that all these movies had it wrong. All the romance movies I loved and still love, have it wrong. I as a fat woman, can have it all. I can be sexy, desired and loved for real. I can be the lead of my own movie, the center of my own story. I say this to truly encourage my fat women audience to demand exactly what you want in a partner, we deserve real love. We have been told and taught to settle for whatever love comes our way because of our size and I have been there, ohh I have SO been there *a story for a different time*, BUT that isn't the case. I hope all of you have an amazing Valentines Day, either if your celebrating with a partner, a friend or the greatest love of all, yourself! 

Happy Valentines Day! I love and appreciate you all!!

Photo Set One: Baz Luhrman's Romeo and Juliet
Photo Set Two: Pretty Woman
Photo Set Three: The Notebook

Tuesday, January 1, 2019

B Word Tips: Getting Over The Fear of Judgement

December has been an odd 31 days, for me. It's been odd because what I had planned, didn't go as planned and I sort of allowed what was, to be. I was contacted by so many people I haven't spoken to in years wanting to discuss their dreams, wanting to creative business plan, and wanting to discuss social media strategy. After sending them my rates and setting my boundaries, I took these meetings. The number one question, across the board from actor friends to writers to youth ministers, was something in line with, "How do you get over the fear of judgement, when you are putting your ideas out in the public?"

Now I think I have people fooled. I think I have people tricked, or maybe that's just the imposter syndrome talking. Ever since I can remember people have confided in me, I've never really liked small talk so I guess I invite it in as well. People have always approached me with "how are you this?", "how did you get here?" and "what's your business plan?". I don't really have an answer other than winging it or being afraid and doing it anyway. So after taking all these meetings and listening to people's ideas, and giving them my two cents, which I love doing. I found a common thread, being fearful of putting your ideas out there, or promoting yourself and work, what I like to call "Putting Yourself On".  There is fear or judgement, fear of being questioned, or feeling like what do I really bring to the table and what do I really have to offer. I asked my Instagram following if they had the same fears professionally, and the overwhelming response was YES.

SO I needed to roll back in my mental rolodex and take a deeper look at how I've overcome that fear of putting myself on and how I continue overcoming that fear. Putting yourself on, is one of my biggest professional philosophies and I could talk about it all day, everyday, that's how much I believe in it. Putting yourself on, by my definition is how do you do what you want professionally with what you have right now, that could leverage yourself to a position you'd love. People aren't hiring you? How do you put yourself on. Your an actor who isn't getting cast? How do you put yourself on, to where casting directors are calling asking for you. How do you take the time when you feel there aren't any opportunities for you and create those opportunities for yourself, putting yourself on.

That being said, now to my tips. How did I overcome the fear of putting myself on and how do I continue to combat that: 

1. BE Stubborn: 
I'm Stubborn. I'm stubborn as fuck, I'm passionate as fuck and I HATE other people's opinions. I come from a big Italian family, with LOTS of opinions. I grew up fat, everyone had an opinion, I went to theatre school, I paid for people's opinions. Now I understand it's important to collaborate, it's important to be a human being that can coexist with other humans but the best thing you can do for your ideas is know that they matter because they're yours. Some people will love them, follow and support and a lot of people won't. Stay true to your vision, that is where your power is. 

2. Pros vs. Cons:
Sit down, make a for real pro vs. con list. Are you completely happy with where you are today? If you never pursue the idea you have will you be okay? What if someone else did your idea, would you be upset? Think about it. Are you going to allow the fear of what if, stop you. I use the fear of staying in the same place,  propel me into jumping into creative endeavors. You have to want it. You deserve it, now go get it.

3. Bandwagon:
I remember when I first directed a show, it was interesting because the same people talking shit saying, "Oh she's directing a show?" or "that won't be good", were the same people who paid full price to come sit in the audience. This became my life motto, that people will talk, people will judge and let them because you're putting action into your dreams and they're paying full price for you to do so. These will also be the same people who will say they supported you from the beginning *eyeroll*. What did Drake say? The bandwagons full but you can try and run behind it! 

4. Commit to Consistency
When I started my blog, I promised myself that I would do one blog post a week for a year, after that year if it wasn't fun or I didn't enjoy it, I would stop. Here we are four years later! Everyone has to start somewhere and in this instant download, next things next culture, I feel we underestimate how long the foundation can take. You need to commit to a consistent schedule, in my opinion for a year. If it's put a video out once a week, or once a month, it needs to be consistent and realistic for you. Did my blog pick up way more after that first year, of course but I gave myself the time to figure it out. When I look back, I'm like my god what was I doing but I was learning. Set yourself up for success. 

5. Blue Prints
Who are other people doing what you'd love to be doing. Look at them, as a blue print. What are they posting? What can you learn from their business model. Soak it in.

6. Fake It Until You Make It
I mean in the sense, fake the confidence until it comes. You have the goods, now get yourself out there. When I first started blogging, I didn't have likes or follows but you couldn't have told me I wasn't blogging. Start.

Do it. Commit. End of Story.